Transportation Security Administration (TSA)

                                                                                                             

The Rabbit Test

photo © 2007 Meghana Kulkarni | more info(via: Wylio)
The Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD), The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.

The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.

The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.

The LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling: "Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"

God Loves Drunks Too!

Mr. & Mrs. Kelly  were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the door.  Mr. Kelly  gets Up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the  pouring rain, is asking for a push.

"Not a chance! .... it is 3:00  in the morning!"

He slams the door and returns to bed. 

"Who was that?" ask's Mrs. Kelly.

"Just some drunk guy  asking for a push."

"Did you help him?" she asks.

"No, I  did not, it is 3:00 in the morning and it is pouring rain out there!" 

"Well, you have a short memory," says his wife. "Can't you re  member about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys  helped us?  I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of  yourself!
God loves drunk people too.

Mr. Kelly does as he is
  told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain.

He calls  out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?"

"Yes," comes the  answer.

"Do you still need a push?"

"Yes, please!" 

"Where are you?"

"Over here on the swing"

                                                                                                                                                   

The Lost Hat

Murphy showed up at Mass one Sunday and the priest almost fell down when he saw him. Murphy had never been seen in church in his life.

After Mass, the priest caught up with Murphy and said, "Murphy, I am so glad you decided to come to Mass, what made you come?"

Murphy said, "I got to be honest with you Father, a while back, I misplaced me hat and I really, really love that hat. I know that McGlynn had a hat just like me hat, and I knew that McGlynn came to church every Sunday. I also knew that McGlynn had to take off his hat during Mass and figured he would leave it in the back of church. So, I was going to leave after Communion and steal McGlynn’s hat."

The priest said, "Well, Murphy, I notice that you didn’t steal McGlynn’s hat. What changed your mind?"

Murphy said, "Well, after I heard your sermon on the 10 Commandments, I decided that I didn’t need to steal McGlynn’s hat."

The priest gave Murphy a big smile and said; "After I talked about ‘Thou Shalt Not Steal’ you decided you would rather do without your hat than Burn in Hell, right?"

Murphy shook his head and said, "No, Father, after you talked about ‘Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery’, I remembered where I left me hat."

 

The $600 Billion Challenge

The $600 Billion Challenge