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Bing: Haunted Hotel

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Little Johnny

During class, a teacher trying to teach good manners asks the

students, one by one. by one.

"Peter, if you were on a date, having supper with a nice young

lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?" she

asked.

"Just a minute, I have to go piss."

The teacher replied "That would be rude and impolite!"

"What about you Michael, how would you say it?"

"I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom, I'll be right

back."

The teacher responded, "That's better, but it's still not very nice

to say the word bathroom at the table." "And you Johnny, are you able to use your intelligence for once

and show us your good manners?"

"I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment, I have

to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope you'll get                                      

to meet after supper."

" The teacher fainted "                                                                                                  

Confucius Says:

Man who scratch ass

should not bite fingernails.

Man who eat many

prunes get good run for money.

Baseball is wrong:

man with four balls cannot walk.

War does not 

determine who is right, war 

determines who is left.

 Wife who put 

husband in doghouse soon find 

him in cathouse.

Man who fight with

wife all day get no piece at night.

 It take many nail

to build crib, but one screw to fill it.

Man who drive like

hell, bound to get there..

Man who live in

glass house should change 

clothes in basement.

Man who fish in 

other man's well often catch crabs.

Crowded elevator 

smell different to midget.

 

Morning Sex

She was standing in the kitchen, preparing our usual soft-boiled eggs and toast for breakfast, wearing only the 'T' shirt that she normally slept in.

As he walked in, almost awake, she turned to him and said softly, 'You've got to make love to me this very moment!'
His eyes lit up and he thought, 'I am either still dreaming or this is going to be my lucky day!'

Not wanting to lose the moment, he embraced her and then gave it his all; right there on the kitchen table.

Afterwards, she said, 'Thanks,' and returned to the stove, her T-shirt still around her neck.

Happy, but a little puzzled, he asked, 'What was that all about?'

She explained, 'The egg timer's broken.'